Resolution, Schmesolution

There are very few unbridled successes in my life but I think I can say without contradiction that I have one achievement in my life that cannot be taken away from me.

I have NEVER ONCE accomplished any of my New Year's Resolutions. Now I'm not so egotistical as to think I'm alone in this--I'm sure many of you are thinking right now "What's she talking about? I'm just as much of a loser as she is. Maybe even more so." But you're not my problem, I'm my problem.

In 2006, for instance, I resolved to lose weight, finish some UFO's, be a better parent and semi-spouse, blah blah blah. In 2007, I resolved to lose weight, finish some UFO's (most of which were left over from 2006 and some from the 1960's), etc, etc. In 2008, I just planned to be more mindful of what the heck I was doing which would result in losing weight, finishing UFO's, being a better parent. I don't think I nailed even one of those resolutions. I'm clearly the World Champion of Non-Accomplishment, whatever you think.

So this year I have a plan that is diabolically clever. So clever it makes Tom Cruise's plan to assassinate Hitler look shaky--not to mention his plan to convert us all to Scientology. Nope--got him beat! No more resolutions of things that I can do to make my life (or yours, for that matter) better. Nope! This year, it's the year of the Anti-Resolution.

In 2009:

• I will NOT join the Ravelry group that plans to knit a full-size sweater every single month during 2009. Hell, I'm such a slow knitter, and have so little time to knit, I'm lucky to have enough time to make a pair of socks a month, not to mention a sweater.

• Nope, I won't be committing to knit a pair of socks a month either.

• I will NOT be letting my hair go gray this year. Yes, Sandy showed up at Whit's the other day with her hair grown out and it looked fabulous. Yup, both Nancy W and Nancy B, not to mention Ellen, have gorgeous gray hair. You will not see mine go gray this year, even if money gets so tight that I'm coloring it each month with Just For Men and a toothbrush.

• I will NOT be appearing on either Atlanta's Desperate Housewives or The Biggest Loser this year. Don't call, don't write. It's not happening.

• I WON'T be promising to blog every day, or even every week. As often as possible--that's all I'll commit to.

• I will NOT be running in the Peachtree Road Race this year, or the Marine Corps Marathon. This represents the latest in a long series of years I have NOT run a marathon, something I'm quite proud of.

• I will probably NOT finish most of the knitalongs I sign up for, even the ones I pay a fee to participate in. Actually, I may fail to even download most of the clues and I think I can say without any fear of being embarrassed later that I will almost surely end up deleting most of the postings due to frustration. I can totally promise that I will delete all postings written in German, French, Urdu, or those postings that appear within four hours of the clue's publication showing off a photo of the completed clue with the words "I finished."

• I WILL continue to sign up for them because, you just never know! This one might be THE ONE!

• I will NOT be trying Ina Garten's recipe for cheesecake again. Love the Barefoot Contessa but that cheesecake was the biggest disappointment of the Christmas season. Bummer!

• I will NOT go to Maryland Sheep & Wool this year. Yeah, I know -- that's not such a positive accomplishment, merely an economic decision. We've gone two years in a row and it already feels like a tradition I don't want to give up. But maybe next year.

My theme for 2009 will be SEIZE THE DAY. That comes from one of those ubiquitous email spam letters that slipped through the spam filter the other day because Joyce sent it. I always think I won't read those things and I always do. But this one had a gem buried in it: SEIZE THE DAY.

I'm taking that to mean Be Open to Opportunities. Don't put off new experiences or the chance to knit with a friend or see a grandchild participate in a sport or event. Take a trip--see someone important or visit some place new. Listen to an author talk about a new book. Sign up to take a class to learn something new. Take pleasure in wearing a handknit sock or finishing that viral knit, even a year later than everyone else. That's my plan for 2009.

See you there?