Oh, good God! Another List!

This is sort of an interesting list, though, from the Knit Geekery blog. It's a list of knitting tasks and the idea is to identify which ones you've done.

AfghanAmerican/English Knitting (vs. Continental knitting)-(--Yes, I'm a thrower and can't seem to learn Continental to save my life.

Baby Items--Yes, I made a ton when my own daughters were little, but have mostly missed my own grandchildren. Neither of my daughters are very high on "handmade," and this is intimidating. But I'm back knitting for babies (or, to be exact, for Ruby, the most beautiful grand-niece ever).

Bobbles--Yes, in my dim, dark past, but I'm hoping that this means I don't ever have to do another one. They're probably unavoidable if I really expect to make another Aran sweater, though.

Buttonholes--Yes, but not well. They always look sort of lumpy and stretched out.

Cable stitch patterns (including Aran)--Oh, my yes, In fact, husband #2 took his Aran sweater with him when he left--I guess some of you would take that as a compliment. I regarded it as a major betrayal. But I love cables anyway and sprinkle them wherever I can.

Cardigan--Yes, but not in years.

Charity knitting--Yes, especially for Children in Common and a few things for Afghans for Afghanistan.

Continental knitting--Nope, but not for lack of trying. For some reason, I can knit but can't master the purl. And my tension goes all wonky. I need to learn this.

Cuffs/fingerless mitts/arm warmers--Yes, loved those Petra mitts and still owe my daughters a pair each. I might even make myself a pair--they'd probably look great in sock yarn.

Darning--Never learned it. My mother had one of those wooden egg thingies and I think I was traumatized by it.

Designing knitted garments--Not unless you count socks. I'm a follower, not a leader.

Domino knitting (modular knitting)--Love this. See Diagonal Vest in progress.

Drop stitch patterns--Nope. Too scary, but I swear I'll try Clapotis this year or next.

Dyeing with plant dyes--No, no, no, never even considered it. Hush, Debra--I'm NOT going to do it.

Dyeing yarn--Ditto.

Entrelac--Yes. I like entrelac and want to make Ann Budd's Anntrelac socks next.

Fair Isle knitting--Never. Terrifies me.

Freeform knitting--No, not even a desire.

Fulling/felting--Yes, a bag or two. It always sounds like more fun than it turns out to be, what with having to knit that house-sized item and them swish it through hot water for hours.

Gloves--Years ago, but not lately.

Graffiti knitting (knitting items on, or to be left on the street)--Hell, no. If I knit it, it's going to someone who can use it, not into the trash. (I guess this is the fiber equivalent of bookcrossing. I think not.)

Hair accessories--Uh, no. Although if I could knit a handy-dandy root coverup device it might be worth it. Or a honkin' big flower to sit in the ... er, sparser ... places.

Hat--yes, dozens of them.

Holiday-related knitting--No, but I always think I'm going to make cool knitted stockings or maybe a little tree decorated with small knitted objects.

Household items (dishcloths, washcloths, tea cozies.....)--No. I don't get this whole trend. Hmmmmm....knit something out of nasty Sugar and Cream that tears the skin off your hands, then wash dishes with it? I think not. And Diet Pepsi doesn't need a cozy.

I-cord--Yes, and I like making it. It's the knitting equivalent of making those gimp necklaces we all made as kids.

Intarsia--Once, a Christmas tree sweater for Haley. Not since, although I really want to learn how to do it -- well, I mean.

(NOTE: omg, is this thing never going to end? Who knew there were so many things to do with two sticks and some string?)

Jewelry--No, except for a pair of earrings at a class last year, but I'm always tempted by patterns in books.

Kitchener stitch--Yes, but Kitchener stitch is the main reason I knit toe up these days. Kitchenering is the equivalent of eating bran--probably good for you but who cares?

Bind Off--This is a dumb one. You gotta have done this one.

Knit-on cast on--Yes, I love this method. It's great for lace.

Knitting a gift--Yeah, but I don't make a practice of it. Usually the recipient doesn't like it nearly as much as I do.

Knitting and purling backwards--Haven't learned it but I'd like to--it would make entrelac so much easier.

Knitting for a living--Nope! It would take all the pleasure out of it for me. I'm way too process oriented.

Knitting for pets--No. It's way too easy to get into putting costumes on pugs. I don't want to be tempted. But there might be a doggy Christmas stocking in my future ...

Knitting for preemies--Yes, last year when one of our guild members lost her grandchild. Sad but satisfying. It's absolutely amazing how small those little heads are!

Knitting in public--Well, duh! Who doesn't?

Knitting items for a wedding--Nope. See above. My daughters aren't really the knitted object types. Maybe a granddaughter?

Knitting socks--What else? Socks are my true love, especially for knitting in public.

Knitting to make money--Nah!

Lace patterns--Yes, though I'm currently on lacecation.

Longtail Cast On--Yes, this has been my staple for a long time any time I can use it. It gives a really nice strong edge.

OnMachine knitting--Tried it, bought the machine, hated it, gave the machine away. Good riddance.

Mittens: Cuff up--Yes, back in the dark ages of children.

Mittens: Top down--No, but it sounds really interesting. I guess you'd just start like a sock? And maybe make an afterthought thumb? Hmmmm...

Mitre squares--Love 'em! If I could come back as a knitting designer, I'd be Ginger Luters.

Moebius band knitting--Yes, under the evil influence of Cat Bordhi. (I wouldn't come back as Cat, unless I'd been under the influence of some mind-bending drug.)

Norwegian knitting--Nope. It looks interesting but ....

Participating in a Knit-a-long--Yes, the MS3 shawl. Loved that, but haven't been able to commit to another one yet.

Pillows--Nope. (Do needlepoint and crewel pillows back in the 70's count? I didn't think so.)

Publishing a knitting book--Wow! No, and I don't think I ever will, but wow!

Purses/bags--Yes, a couple. And then there's the Noro Kureyon cabled bag that's hopelessly tangled in one of my knitting bags.

Rug--Nope. No desire to put all that work into something I'm going to walk on. And I'm certainly not letting anyone else walk on my knitting.

Scarf--Well, yeah, over the years, quite a few.

Shawl--Yes, though I'm not a shawl wearer. But they make great conversation pieces.

Short rows--Yes, though it's taken me awhile to get my head around them. I'm perfecting my own version of the short row heel for my toe ups.


Shrug/bolero/poncho--Well, no boleros for this body. A poncho or two for daughters and grandchildren (best forgotten). And I have a shrug pattern coming in the mail--do you think Haley will wear it? No bets.

Slip stitch patterns--Sock heels only.

Slippers--Always wanted to make one of those felted slippers but never finished one.

Socks: toe up / Socks: top down--Helloooooo. Yes!

Steeks--Not in this lifetime, or at least not without strong drink and/or drugs.

Stockinette stitch--Oh, really! But for the record, yes.

Stuffed toys--No. Tried that hedgehog and lost track of the short rows. I need to tear it out and start over--it was really a cute pattern!

Swatching--As little as I can get away with.

Sweater--Yes, but not in many years. Takes a lot of yarn to cover this bod!

Teaching a child to knit--Nope. No patience. I've tried but ... no.

Teaching a male to knit--No male of my acquaintance has ever wanted to learn, but I would if asked.

Textured knitting--Certainly.

Thrummed knitting--Nope. Sounds warm, really warm. Makes my hands itch thinking about it.

Tubular Cast On--Yes, but now that I think of it, I'm not sure I remember how.

Twisted stitch patterns--Yes. Love this for socks.

Two ended knitting--What does this mean? Knitting both ends of something from a provisional cast on? In that case, yes. If not, no.

Writing a pattern--Yes, socks for Children in Common. It's surprisingly time-consuming.

Gorgonzola

Well, Opal doesn't call it that. Opal calls it "Lilly das Schleckermaul." But to me, it looks like nothing more than a big pile of blue cheese. Needless to say, I love it. There's very little in life that couldn't be improved with a little blue cheese. (Wonder if Schleckermaul is German for Gorgonzola?)

You have to love a yarn to tear out an almost-complete sock and reknit it. That's what I did with this sock.

I started it a couple of weeks ago and have had little time to knit on it--even with my trip out of town. But it was progressing nicely and I was loving it.

Of course, the beauty of sockknitting is that you can try it on as you go, making changes and adjustments. And I've had this one on my foot several times and each time I've thought, "well, just like I like them--snug." I like my socks on the snug side because I like to wear clogs and if the sock is loosey-goosey, the clog doesn't fit. And you can forget getting a sock into any of my shoes with a back, like a walking shoe.

Until the time ... I thought, "oh, my...that heel feels really snug." So I switched to a larger (size 2) needle for the cuff and that helped a little.

But reality reared her ugly head and I realized that snug had become ... tight. Boa constrictor tight. My baby toe was squealing wee wee wee, all the way home. This probably means that my blood pressure medicine isn't working (and you might ask how a medicine that costs $40 a month and doesn't have a generic equivalent can NOT be working, but that's a subject for another day). Anyway, I realized that I was going to hate wearing the sock, even if it did look like my favorite smelly cheese.

So, out it came. And here it is again, same size needle (1) but 4 more stitches, 68 instead of 64.

Knitting--definitely not an exact science. Thank God I'm a process knitter.

While I Was Out ...

For several months, we've had a tree in the backyard that has been exhibiting signs of ... well, let's be honest, it hasn't exhibited anything. It's been dead. As the proverbial doornail.

And I haven't wanted to admit it, because it used to be a focal point of the yard, the tallest oak at the top of the hill, a giant among lesser trees. But, ever the queen of denial, I kept thinking that maybe it would leaf back up--I loved that tree, and surely I could keep it alive with the power of my love. Nope.

So we got a price to take it down. Now, you may remember that I am opposed to the term "put down" when applied to a pet. You put down an empty soda bottle, or maybe a pesky heroin addiction, not your friend. But when it comes to trees, you gotta put 'em down. In this case, "down" is preferable to "on the roof" or "in your bedroom," but it also implies that you don't tear your fence up while you're doing it.

It turns out that this is an expensive sort of a job. We got a couple of estimates, ranging from $850 to $1200. To put that in terms that you might understand, $850 (the low end) is approximately 34 skeins of sock yarn. See? I knew you'd be appalled. (Let's not even go in the other direction and compute what my sock yarn stash must have cost me using those calculations--it wouldn't be pretty!)

So, while it's been on my list of "things to do," it hasn't been high. After all, the deductible if it DID fall on the house would be $500, and the cost to avoid the deductible would be $850...you do the math.

Anyway, while I was out of town (Macon, for a class), Mr. Pug and I talked about it on the phone and agreed that we'd handle it after the first of the year, or when our investments come back out of the swamp, or after one of us hits the lottery. So imagine my surprise to be shown ... the stump above. It's gone. I've been out in the backyard 10 or 15 times since I returned and ... never noticed the tree was gone. Mr. Pug got tired of waiting for me to figure out how to do it and did it. Men! Way to make a complicated issue simple.

But back to me, since it's (still) all about me. How could I not notice something like that? And the answer is ... that tree was dead to me. I was over it. It had gone from being a love object to ... a yarn money sucking machine.

Anyone notice a parallel between a dead tree and a certain Noro Silk Garden Sock yarn? Yup! Both dead to me.

D-I-V-O-R-C-E

Oh, if only divorce was that easy. In my experience, and sadly I have a lot, splitting from a mate is painful, expensive, and lengthy. Professionals like lawyers and judges and sometimes psychiatrists and the IRS are required.

Not this time, baby! At Whit's house last night a group of professionals (the XRX guys Benjamin and Rick) and almost-professionals (everyone else) looked at the Sock Who (Didn't) Love Me and the consensus was clear--cut him loose. Sometimes you just can't make someone over into the person you want him to be--or the person he should want to be. Sometimes it's just hopeless.

Okay, it's over. I get it, but now what?

"I want it," said Jolie.

What? Is the crazy? A glutton for punishment? Or does she just think she's more woman than I am?

Who cares? I ripped that bad boy off the circular needle and stuffed it into her hands. As she took it, I swear I heard angels singing.

He's gone. Whew! And as long as I don't have to take weepy phone calls at 3 am from his new girlfriend, things will be fine. Let's face it--even if I do have to take those calls, my life is still better. Did he come home drunk? Have knots in the middle of a color run? I don't care!

God speed!

And, don't judge me--I'm not really a slut, I just have a short attention span--here's the new guy on the needles. Opal.



I cast Opal on last night and I'm already in love, with none of those fluttery feelings in the colon that tell you you've just made another mistake. This is a proven commodity--this time it's really love!

Finally, let's update the recent knitting:


First, the Austermann Step socks, toe up on size 2s. The pattern is my own version of Ann Budd's method. For me, of course. Finished last week. Cozy, comfortable. This has been my carry-in-the-car project and it's been the perfect project to pick up, put down, with no possibility of error.



Next, Emma's socks, made of Skacel Trampoline on 1s, toe up, same pattern but with a 1X1 rib. Finished last week some time.


And, last but not least, Kerrigan's socks, OTN as we speak, made to match Emma's since they have feet just about the same size.







Life is good again.

Disappointed by Love ... Again (or, The Sock Who Loved Me)

I'm the first to admit that I don't always make the best choices where love is concerned. There's a reason that I am still single--or to be more exact, single again, and if you want to be most clear, single again and again. I don't know where the fault lies--with me or with the love object--but I've pretty much come to terms with the fact that love doesn't love me.


So why am I disappointed to realize that once again, I've been deceived, let down, cast aside, and all those other cliches that go with love? And why am I surprised that it's a love that has let me down, etc. before? After all, don't they say that the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over and expecting different results?


Here's a picture of my seducer:



Yes, it's that notorious toy boy, Noro Silk Garden Sock. You can probably tell that by the big knot in the foreground. Probably thousands of knitters have suffered at his hands but somehow I thought I could tame his wild ways and be the one he settled down with. It didn't work out that way. But, oh, it was good at first--it always is.


I saw NSGS across a room at a guild meeting, lying coyly on the Main Street Yarn table in a come hither pose. At first it was his color that attracted me--it always is with the Noro boys. They draw you in with their promise and then ... well, you know the story. But it was my fingers that betrayed me in the end, when I drew them lovingly across his beautiful lime pelt. Unlike the other Noro boys that I've been seduced by, NSGS was surprisingly soft--no hint of the scratchy, VM-laden harshness that leaves their lovers with splinters under the fingernails and an itch that won't quit.


No, NSGS was softer than I expected--the silk in his background, I suppose--and green with a hint of gray or black under the surface. I knew I was lost at that moment. I grabbed him from Ruth and wrote a check. He would be mine, damn it! I had to have him, and I could hardly wait to get him home to my bedroom to have my way with him.


Okay, you're right. Yes, I'd heard all the stories about his older brother, Kureyon Sock. I knew that better women, and some men, had succumbed to Kureyon's promise and been disappointed. After all, when the best that can be said about someone is "it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be--no, really, it was ... fine," you know there are some bitter knitters out there. But I honestly thought that Silk, as I called him for short, would be different with me. I thought ... well, it really doesn't matter now. Let's just say, it didn't work. It's over.


What went wrong? What didn't?


Was it the pilling? The knots? His bipolar nature--thick one minute and then as fine as a spider's web? Or simply his puny yardage? Yes, I'm embarrassed to admit--I'm that shallow. Size DOES matter. And he just doesn't have the yardage I need to be satisfied. In retrospect, though, I think it's the color. I hate to say it in this historic election year, and I don't want you to think less of me, but let's face it...this yarn is more black than anything else. It's BLACK with a few hints of green and some blue still hiding in the skein. So I guess it's the same old story--seduced by Mr. Green, and left holding the sock with Mr. Black.


So, let's review:


First, I have a mostly black sock. It's pilling and I haven't even worn it yet. It's got that odd Noro body type--thick and thin--that means there's no right needle size. I'm using a size 2 and 56 stitches because a larger needle would have made a loose, holey fabric, but I'm dying when I hit those giant blobs of thickness.





Second, I'm only an inch and a half above the ankle and I've already used up 35% of the skein. At this rate, this sock is going to have a 4 inch cuff, max. Stunted, stubby, out of proportion.


And third, did I mention the blackness? Well, grayness if you want to be super-specific, but close enough! It feels like I've been knitting since the last ice age, and it's still black. Oh, yeah, I can see some blue on the skein, but bottom line--the sock is black. Still.


Damn you, Noro Silk Garden Sock! The next time I buy you--and let's face, there will be a next time--I can no more resist you than I could resist that Krispy Kreme bread pudding my boss served for lunch one day--you'll be a diagonal scarf. But wait, I hear you asking: why aren't you just frogging that bad boy and starting a sock with yarn that will be faithful? Well, it's because ... the Blue is Coming, the Blue is Coming. And I can't help but think that maybe this time it will be different. Maybe this time the sock will love me.

Arg, Avast Ye Mateys, and all that stuff

It's National Talk Like a Pirate Day and it's strangely quiet in the blogosphere. Here's how to join in: http://www.talklikeapirate.com/piratehome.html

Okay, my work here is done.

A bullet dodged ...

See the gray Altima on the left? That's my baby, all 116,000+ miles of her, and since I still owe an unconscionable amount on her, she's not going anywhere any time soon.

See the tree limb on the right? When I looked out my office window yesterday, my heart gave a little uh-oh jump. But when I got out there to check on the damage, all I found was a few acorns on the windshield and some broken branches and leaves on the hood. No damage at all!

However, since there was a large chunk of tree hanging off the power line right over the car, I moved it quickly. Today the whole tree is gone--that'll teach those trees to mess with me!

Now, given that whole chunks of the United States are fighting off hurricanes and tornadoes, this probably looks trivial to you, and probably it is. But in my world, it's all about me, and I'm grateful not to have to spend another dime on car repair. This hasn't been a good year for that, what with three separate repairs to Mr. Pug's car on my time.

Right now money is very tight, and I'm having to take the ultimate step--no more yarn purchases for awhile. (Note that "awhile" is relative. Hopefully, it will be easier to stay on a yarn diet than my recent food diets.)

In fact, one of the things I need to be putting money away for is $1000 to take a dead tree out of the back yard. Do you think this is a sign?