Friday, May 04, 2012

Smooth(ie) Sailing

So, I'm not claming there's a direct connection with my grousing about the product, but McDonald's has replaced their Apple Cinnamon Walnut Oatmeal with a variety containing little bits of dried banana and (fresh) blueberries. Somehow, the idea of starting my day by picking pieces of dehydrated banana out of my teeth doesn't have the appeal of the apple version.

Rats! I need to find another solution for the Most Important Meal of the Day. This morning I was running late and had to drive Mr. Pug to pick up his car from the repair shop. I delved deep into the freezer looking for a solution and found

Looks tasty, right? It's a mixture of frozen yogurt beads* and fruit. You add fresh juice (in my case, orange) and shake vigorously to make your take-in-the-car breakfast.

Here are ten things you need to know about drinking a Dole Yogurt Smoothie Shaker :
  1. It's not smooth. It should be called a Dole Yogurt Lumpy Shaker . The consistency is large frozen lump surrounded by ice cold liquid, like a chunky frozen slurpee with seeds.
  2. It tastes pretty good.
  3. When you try to drink it, it will shoot out of the top of the container like Mount Vesuvius raining lava on Pompei (only cold), and you will look like Barney, covered in purple goop.
  4. From head to toe.
  5. Once it covers your glasses with blueberry goodness, and it will, it will have to be coaxed off with professional quality opthalmic solution.
  6. Until it's coaxed off, your vision will be obstructed. You will narrowly miss hitting someone on that same Bobo Road where you got into trouble last week.
  7. You will be late to work because you have to go home and change your clothes.
  8. Yes, all your clothes--blouse, bra, slacks, jewelry, glasses. I didn't find any blueberry yogurt on my underwear, but I might not have looked hard enough.
  9. Yes, your earrings too. And your hair.
  10. You'll still be hungry, even after slugging down the remainder over the sink in your kitchen.

Consider yourself warned.

*I know, I know. I don't know what a "yogurt bead" is either. Those are not words that belong together.